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update 4-18: this particular commission offer is now closed. commissions in general are still closed too, as well as requests. not sure when commissions or requests will be open again.


i have another person in need to tell you all about, so it's different than the person i mentioned in 
the previous journal. this isn't something i randomly came across on the internet; i learned about this person through someone from my church. the person in need is Meg and she has chronic lyme disease, and she has suffered for 17 years. the treatment she badly needs is way more expensive than she can afford, so she needs people to help out. what really caught my attention about her is that she has traveled to nigeria to help abused women and children!! you'll have to read the details at her campaign link, but this is someone who cares more about others than herself. she really deserves other people caring for her too.

***DONATE!! EVERY DOLLAR COUNTS!!!… whether you can or can't donate, spread the word on social media.

and i am now opening commissions in order to help raise money for meg!!! i'm willing to draw art for people who donate. sure you can simply donate on your own and not tell me about it and not get anything from me. if you want do to that, that's fine. but just in case you're not sure whether or not you want to donate, i decided to add an extra incentive, so that there's another reason for you to donate. no, you don't have to be rich and give some huge amount of money. even a little bit of money helps.

keep in mind that meg's crowdfunding campaign is ending on april 18th. (if for some reason the campaign gets extended, i might extend my commission offer). there is a limited time for you to commission me. and if you've watched me for a while you'd know that my commissions and requests rarely open and they only open at random times. i am not sure the next time i'll open either of those. it could be weeks or months.

but right now, my commissions are open, so you might as well do it now since i don't know when i'll do this again. but  if you want a commission from me, i need to approve it before you donate to meg's campaign. please send me a note explaining what you want me to draw. i'll draw pretty much anything except fetish art or anything else that's controversial. it can be a sketch or colored work. you can also ask for more than one artwork. see my gallery for examples:…

tell me what you want, and i'll try to think of a price based on what you tell me. when we agree on a price, you'll donate that amount to meg's campaign. so that's when the art for you will be put on my to-do list!! i'll note you when the art is completed.

so yep there you go... it's a way to help someone who has a serious disease, while at the same time getting some art if you want it. if for some reason you can't donate, you can still share the campaign on social media. or if you know someone who's looking for commissions, show them this journal.

one more thing... i'm wondering if there is anyone else who is interested in doing something like this? you can make art for people in exchange for them donating to a good cause. if there were others who want to do this, i could possibly help advertise or something. comment or note if you want to do commissions for a cause.
EDIT 3-22: the raffle is closed. the winner is susmobile!!!   Person In Need Request Raffle by Sachi-pon  this set of screenshots shows that i went to and had it choose a random number between one and six. (one and six were both included as possible answers!) then it chose five, so that's the winner. and, everyone who entered won a llama badge :heart:

but still, even though the raffle is over you can fave and share this journal to help jamie get her health treatment that she badly needs. the more people who see this journal, the more likely someone with money will see it, and they'll donate.


i'm going to open up one free request slot (if a lot of people participate, i'll do more than one!) if you want a request, add this journal to your faves. i will wait two weeks, then i will randomly pick a winner and send them a note, and they can request from me a colored halfbody pic of a human (or kemonomimi) character. it's so easy. all you have to do is fave, and you might be the winner!! :nod:

i wanted to tell you all about this person named jamie, who survived cancer but has ongoing health problems due to the chemotherapy. she needs an extremely important surgery but the price is so high that she can't afford it. you can help her get the surgery she needs.


i learned about this thanks to a forum post by Rhodanthe-Roseora. when i read about it, i just felt absolutely awful. so, i donated $10 to this campaign. (i'm just saying that to show you that i'm not the type of person to tell you all to do something that i'm not willing to do myself.) you don't have to donate a large amount of money. even a tiny amount can help. and, be sure to spread the word by making a journal or poll, or using social media.

jamie is in need of surgery, but the price is enormous. i was thinking about how healthcare is such a big topic these days in america, where politicians are currently debating some possible changes to our healthcare laws. i like to follow political news so i do know a little about this. it's such a complicated problem with no easy answer. healthcare is expensive, and someone needs to pay for it. hopefully there are ways to make healthcare less expensive. but in this situation that i'm telling you now, here's someone who is facing an expensive healthcare situation and she can't afford it. and i was reading her story and thinking, we don't have to wait for politicians to come up with answers. we can do something right now. so that's why i decided to give her a little money even though i don't actually know her at all. but i wanted to do SOMETHING that will help this healthcare situation. there are so many people who need healthcare and don't have it. but you can do something about it. even if you give ONE dollar, it's better than nothing.

go ahead and fave the journal!! by faving, you help spread the word. and you might win a request!! again, if i see a lot of people faving, i will do a request for more than one person!!!

on and off: my procrastination problem

Journal Entry: Mon Oct 31, 2016, 10:50 AM
hi everyone. as you can see, i have "disappeared" again. i have done a few sketches in recent days (i haven't posted them on the internet) but before that, i hadn't drawn ANYTHING AT ALL in about two months. i also have barely talked to anyone on deviantart, tumblr, or twitter in at least that amount of time. and yet, these are all things i actually LIKE doing!! so why would i go such a long time without doing these things? in this journal i will give you a detailed explanation of how this happens. i know that i've talked about this before. not everything i say here is new. but i did some thinking about it a few nights ago and wanted to share my thoughts. you don't have to read that part. if you don't want to read it then i'll just give you a quick status update:

as i said, i did finally draw a little bit recently. i've been doing some practice sketches. i might post these on twitter: also, i have two contest prize illustrations to do, both in color. one i haven't started, and one i am sketching. i am almost done with the sketch but i haven't colored anything in a few months =( and i don't want to color someone's contest prize with my rusty skills that haven't been used in months. so i am drawing and coloring another illustration in order to practice coloring. then i'll color the contest prize. then i'll do the next contest prize of course. btw, the manga i mentioned before, "Samiyah and Zahir," is also in progress.

now here are my thoughts from the other night. it's kinda long, so again, i am not saying everyone has to read it. but if you have problems with #procrastination and lack of #motivation, you'll want to read this because it might be relatable to you.

i realized that when it comes to things i like doing (drawing, making manga, communicating with people on social media about art and anime), i have "on" and "off" periods. "on" means that i do it often. "off" means that i don't do it.

for years i have had a pattern of alternating between on and off periods, on these things i like doing. each period lasts about two or three months (but there are exceptions). in other words... i don't know how to be continuously productive. i don't know how to be on without switching to an off period. i don't understand other people who work on long-term projects or continuously updating their blog/website for a long time.

i thought working with others instead of working by myself would break the pattern, so sometimes i've tried to start projects with other people. it didn't break my pattern. i thought working with someone else would make me feel more productive because i will not want to let other people down. instead it happened anyway.

how do you get stuck inside an "off" period? answer: whenever i begin an off period i don't realize it. i never see it as 'okay now i know i am not going to make progress for two months.' i don't realize that i am beginning an off period that might last weeks or months. instead i think 'i got lazy temporarily. yeah i messed up but i'll do better tomorrow and get back on track.' or a variation: 'i was busy with some other thing in my life today but it's okay because i can just get back on track tomorrow.' and i think that every day for many weeks. i keep thinking 'it's only ONE more day.' then after a whole lot of days pass, i finally realize, 'oh wow, i spent a long time being 'off!'' if you're wondering why i can think "it's only one day" for so many days in a row, this paradox explains it:… think about how that paradox confuses your brain. it's related to the way my brain is confused in this situation. to make things worse, the more days that go by where i am off, the more strongly i believe that i will get back on track tomorrow!!! so what i'm saying is that the false 'i will get on track tomorrow' belief STRENGTHENS with each day! and then, of course, more off days go by. and then i believe even more strongly, 'it's been many days by now! that means i will DEFINITELY' be on track tomorrow because this definitely ends tomorrow! i will be productive again for sure.'

how do you get out of the off period? answer: eventually i notice how long i have taken a break, and i feel so guilty/panicked/wrong/bad that over a few days i pull myself out of "off" and get back to "on." and the thing is, "on" feels refreshing because i haven't done it in a while.

question: what makes me go "off" in the first place? though maybe having an "off" day or two is normal, and so that's not really the problem, and my problem is the "yes i messed up, but i will do better tomorrow" thing... in particular, the fact that i keep thinking it multiple days.

why don't you just force yourself to think of a number, x, and not go more than x days without progress? if x days have passed, force yourself to do it.
problems: how do i choose what number of days "x" should be?  it's so arbitrary. you'd be surprised how bad i am at deciding on arbitrary things like this. and once i determine it, what if i let x days pass and now i am supposed to "force myself" that day, but i really really don't want to? what would be so bad about adding only one more day to "x"? and then, just one more? and then just one more, so on and so forth... (again, that's the heap paradox that i linked to earlier) also, the biggest question: how would i "force myself" without being miserable? if i am miserable then won't drawing/writing/social media turn into things i DO NOT like? right now they are things i like. but they will change into something i no longer like.

if you like these things then why would you go off in the first place? you should be happy and eager to do things you truly like. well, no. it's not perfect. you can't like something 100% of the time. there are going to be times when you don't want to do something you normally like. i want to constantly remain "on," but i don't mean literally every single day without skipping a day once. if i set up that high, unrealistic expectation, then when i have one "off" day i will feel like a failure and lose all motivation.

but, just like in the heap paradox where you can't tell where to draw the line between a heap and a non-heap, i can't tell where the line is between "normal taking a break, normal temporarily pausing," etc. and "being unproductive, lazy, bad habit, long-term off period." again, i am bad at determining arbitrary things like this. it's not like, for example, "if you take a break for three days you are 100% totally fine and good, but if you take a break for four days you are lazy and have bad unproductive habits" as if there is a hard line between three and four. that's not true. but it is true that at some point there is a point where you have developed the bad habit of being continuously unproductive. i am at that point but i am not sure how and when i got there. i also don't know how to change.

how do i for the most part continuously remain "on" without being miserable??? i realize that sometimes i will have to "force" myself. okay then. but i don't want "force myself" to be the main solution here that i have to use the majority of the time. if i have to constantly force myself the majority of the time then that means i truly do not want to do it and i should stop. i do have some big goals* i would like to reach with my drawing, writing, and social media. but i am miserable the entire time i am working toward those goals, then why do i have those goals? but i don't want to give up my goals. so i want to achieve these things without being miserable.

however, as i mentioned earlier, when i get back to "on" after being "off" for a while, it feels refreshing/exciting because i haven't done it in a while. in other words, if i had been continuously doing it then it would not feel refreshing or exciting. instead it would feel boring, stale, and miserable.

if you are confused by all this, the blog "wait but why" has some excellent articles on procrastination and lateness that explain how my mind works!!……… (the "not this minute, the next minute" thing is what i do with "not this day, the next day.")

but seriously why can't you realize you are having an off period and do something to stop it? isn't it obvious, when the off period is happening? actually, no, it's not obvious. if i KNEW that i was about to take a long break and begin an "off" period, don't you think i would do something to stop it?? if i knew it was coming then i would be prepared and prevent it from happening. so when it comes to off periods, there is no way i would be able to already know before one happens. the only way i know is after it already happened. hindsight is 20/20. it's hard to recognize, in the beginning or middle of an off period, that i am in one in the first place.

(also, that's why i rarely announce in advance that i will have a "hiatus" from deviantart or anywhere. it's because i usually do not know that i am about to start a hiatus! if i already knew in advance that i will need to go on hiatus, i would be trying to do something to change my situation so i wouldn't have to go on hiatus.)

the problem is that you say "i'll get back on track TOMORROW." if you simply told yourself that you can get back on track TODAY, everything would be fine."
answer 1: some days i really really don't want to do it. so i'd have to "force myself" which leads to the "miserable" problem i mentioned before.
answer 2: actually it's not always "tomorrow." rarely, i do make progress the same day! sometimes even the next day too! but i do not believe i will consistently do it day after day so i get demotivated. i have a big problem with believing i won't finish things/ reach goals. and that scares me a lot and makes me feel nervous, and when i feel nervous i always procrastinate. sometimes i am able to listen to music or do something else to calm down and not feel tense, and then i can start drawing/writing/whatever. other times i remain tense/nervous and so i keep procrastinating.

so there you go, that's the main problem here i think. well aside from my complete lack of time management skills... it's the nervousness that comes with the idea that i won't finish what i start, i won't reach goals, and the fear of "what's the point of working toward a long-term goal if i will be miserable and forcing/pushing myself???"

now you can see why i have such trouble staying motivated (staying "on"). oh sure i do have some other things going on in my life that take my time and attention from these things here. but those other things aren't to blame (even though i would often use those other things as excuses). the problems here are that i feel too nervous and then the nervousness makes me procrastinate (i'll get back on track tomorrow") and the procrastination gets me trapped in the "off" period for a long time. and even when i try to be good and actually do things that make some progress, i don't believe my productive mood will last and then i just end up getting nervous again, and then i procrastinate, and then i lose motivation, then i am "off,"

if you stopped being nervous and you were more optimistic, you would be able to avoid nervousness and procrastination, and stay motivated. but i don't know how to do that. sure i can temporarily be productive sometimes but i don't know how to stay motivated enough to make it last.

i do read this really great blog by james clear... he writes a lot of articles on productivity and motivation. this is the best one...

i read this recently and no it didn't magically solve my problem (or else i wouldn't be writing this journal!). but it definitely got me thinking. and that's how i was able to do some introspection and write this journal. i will keep reading his blog and other helpful articles on this topic. i really like reading articles about this kind of thing because it helps me think and become a smarter person.

i posted this journal not jus tto explain myself but because hopefully someone reading this has a solution. if you have one, please let me know. the only thing i can think of right now is to try to stop my brain from thinking 'i'll do it later.' that thought pops up in my brain a lot, so i will try to stop the thought most of the times that it pops up. however, i can't stop it EVERY time. as i said before, it's unrealistic to expect myself- or anyone else in the entire world!- to be in the on period perfectly 100% of the time. so don't expect that from me.

about replying: a lot of times, i am scared to reply to people's comments. but why? because if i do, i will begin the "on" period when i eagerly reply a lot... then later i will get to the "off" period. but people will have gotten used to expecting quick replies so they will expect it consistently, like it's my norm. then if i slow down or stop, people will be upset. so, it's easier to not reply at all. now people think that NOT replying is my norm. if not replying is my norm, i don't have to live up to expectations that i will reply a lot.

but if i don't talk to people, obviously that's bad... very very bad! i would be isolated from everyone!!!

(which kinda already happened by now...)

at this point i will have to say that yes i will reply to comments on this journal but at the same time i have to be honest by saying this doesn't mean i will always be here to reply. i might go into another off period later on.

*what are my goals, anyway?

in case you forgot or don't know...

i don't have goals that normal people would understand. my goals are unusually high and ambitious, and don't expect me to change them because they are a huge part of who i am.

i have multiple mangas i would like to create... as well as countless ideas for illustrations that don't have anything to do with my mangas. i want to be self-employed, making money off my mangas and illustrations, so that i can fully devote myself to these things instead of having to fit them in around another job's schedule. and i want my mangas to become very famous, so that there are big fandoms created. i want to travel to conventions in order to meet fans of my mangas. plus i want to sell merchandise based on them. and maybe there could be animations or at least audio dramas of my mangas...??? hopefully. though those things aren't the top priority.

~anniversary and announcement~

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 7, 2016, 5:23 PM
i have an announcement to make and i realized that my deviantart anniversary was coming soon. so, i thought, 'hey, i might as well do the announcement on the same day.' 
august 7th is deviantart's 16th anniversary as well as my 9th anniversary. ('cause i wanted to join dA on the anniversary day!! lol) speaking of 16, that's how old i was when i joined 
dA. it's been an adventure. here is a list of things i've done on dA, in no particular order:

-i made a lot of artwork. (duh, that's why i joined, to share my art)
-i've learned a lot about making art by looking at tutorials, forums, and journals
-i've made a bunch of friends. i think that's the best thing about this site. you can find genuine friends.
-i've gotten into many arguments
-i've written many long, rambling journal entries
-i've given and received llamas, because llamas are awesome
-i've improved greatly with my art skills. i learned to use new materials and new techniques.
-i've been involved with drama and that fact doesn't matter to me because i don't regret it.
-i used to capitalize my writing properly and then at some point i started slacking off
-i've come up with several manga ideas
-i've given and received commissions, art trades, requests, and gifts
-i've complained to the dA staff several times, but have also praised dA several times
-i've been obsessed with fandoms
-i've canceled projects i've started, and i've participated in other people's projects that got canceled
-i ran two contests and ran "secret valentine" events (like secret santa)
-i was called a "subscribed" member, then i was called a "premium" member, now i am called a "core" member
-i've tried to give support/encouragement/advice to lots of people. lots and lots and lots of people. i LOVE giving advice and nice comments.
-i changed my name from SuperSachiko to Sachi-pon in order to sound more "kawaii"
-i've found great crowdfunding campaigns to support
-i received watches, faves, and comments. i still remember times when i was used to NOT getting these things. slowly this situation improved.
-i've started groups and projects and things
-i've been open about my Christian faith. i always wanted people who know me on dA to know what my religion is.
-i got my art selected to be in an artbook, but that was a long time ago and by now i dislike that artwork!!
-i've been amazed by the high quality of art from the artists here, and i've felt intimidated A LOT. but i've also felt a lot of inspiration. soooo many times.
-i got more than 100,000 pageviews, even though i used to be super jealous of people who had that many views
-i've had long periods of inactivity in both drawing and replying to messages
-i've always stayed true to my own style because it's something i deeply care about
-i've had many interesting discussions with people in the forums about philosophy, politics, sex and relationships, daily life, things on the internet, and of course, artwork.
-there are probably other things i've done that i forgot about by now.
-i've just done a lot of stuff in general because this is my favorite site on the internet and i've been here for NINE YEARS!!!!!!!!

i mentioned in my list that i kept starting projects and then canceling or postponing them. this has happened a lot. but it would be good to actually NOT cancel/postpone something. 
if i can actually complete something, i can start on my way to becoming a full-time writer/artist/creative person. and now i'm announcing to the public the thing i am currently working on completing. what is it? it's none other than...

Untitled by Sachi-pon
(this isn't the final logo, it's something i made quickly. font: tangerine. pattern source: designtrends. )

in late january/early february, i decided that i wanted to restart a certain manga that i (barely) started on before. this manga is called "Samiyah and Zahir" and it's a one-shot about 
a princess who has unrequited love for her bodyguard. the thing is, i didn't want to do it by myself. the first time i decided to do this manga, it was in a three-person group. the 
second time i decided to do this manga, i wanted to work with only one person. i really want to have a group manga someday but for right now i wanted to keep things more simple 
by only having one person help me. i wanted one person to do the art while i wrote the story. but who would be a good fit for this particular story? i had one idea of whom to ask, 
and then i was going to start a forum thread announcing that i was looking for an artist. that forum thread never happened; thanks Ou-ren!!!

there's still a long way to go before the manga is complete. it's going to be several months, unfortunately. however, there is good news. the manga will be available to read for 
free!!! the whole manga will be released to the public. everyone will be able to see the full story from beginning to end... how nice!!

i wish i could just release the manga right now. but it takes so much time to create comics and there's definitely hard work involved. it's not quick and easy, and there's no way to 
get around that. but what i can do is release wip's of it, and some other info here and there, and it'll be posted on my tumblr under the tag "samiyah and zahir." so, my tumblr will be the best place to go to see things related to SaZ. here's the link to the "samiyah and zahir" tag on my tumblr:…

and i made a few concept sketches here:

SaZ character sketches by Sachi-pon

so yeah, there you go. now you know. the secret is out. i am making Samiyah and Zahir with Ou-ren, and i think you all will really like it!! :heart: it's an interesting and dramatic 
story in a fantasy setting. i came up with the plot idea before i came up with the setting, so i was like 'hmm, what kind of fantasy setting should this take place in?' i chose an arabian 
setting =D it's a great choice because of the very gorgeous visual style. and i will give credit where credit is due. the main thing that influenced my choice of setting was this...

Skin by Jassy2012 - Roes by IgnisFatuusII

[CLOSED] advertise commissions/donations HERE!!!!

Journal Entry: Sat Jun 11, 2016, 2:05 PM
EDIT 6-18: it's been a week, so this is now closed!! i can't disable comments. but if anyone else comments, they will be ignored.

only two people commented :O i thought that more people would like to advertise themselves. i see a lot of artists saying "hardly anyone notices me" so i thought this journal would get more responses.

to the two people who did comment, you both will be commissioned =D please wait though, because i need to decide what i want. i'll send you a note sooner or later!


i know i have disappeared from da for a long time. (explanation: ) i'm sorry for that. but i want to do more than say "i'm sorry"... i want to do something that actually helps the da community.

and i just want to say that commissioning artists is VERY important. not only that, but donating to their crowdfunding projects, giving them positive feedback on their art, and promoting them on social media. why is all this stuff important? because, people really need it. if you make art and no one is there to encourage you or pay you or help you in any way, you might end up slowing down the rate at which you make art, and canceling/abandoning art you would have made. artists definitely need to feel passion from within themselves. that's an absolute necessity. you can't go without it. but at the same time, having other people help out is a big deal. an artist first needs to feel passion from within, and next, they need to receive attention from other people. (unless they're one of those super private people who don't like showing anyone their work)

think of a piece of artwork/writing/creative work you love. what if that creator had never created it, because they felt demotivated and/or didn't have enough money??? this journal, you can advertise yourself or someone else. you can advertise any kind of commission, or patreon, or other thing to donate to. point commissions are acceptable too. post a comment below to advertise, and i recommend adding thumbnails to show off art.

if you advertise something, ****FAVE THIS JOURNAL**** and if you want to you can share it on facebook, twitter, or tumblr. but faving is a requirement. this journal is pointless if few people see it. faving and sharing helps people see it.

But Wait, There's More!!! one week from now, i'll choose someone to commission!!! =D =D =D i don't know what character i will want you to draw but i'll look at your art style and decide what character would be great for it. i'll also make a new journal highlighting a few people who have advertised themselves here. (although if this journal barely gets any responses, i won't highlight people.) if you want to know how i will decide whom to commission and highlight, just keep in mind that it'll be purely based on my personal tastes. so there's nothing you can do to increase your chances. just post something and i'll look at it. i'll look at everyone.

#commission #commissions #commissionsopen #feature #features 

what i'm working on now

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 22, 2016, 7:02 PM
i just wanted to give you an update on what i'm working on:

-i have a giftart i'm working on and i have already done some of the coloring on it.

-i am almost done sketching a contest prize but it will need to be colored.

-there is another contest prize i haven't started on and that will also be colored.

-there is one last contest prize i need to do but haven't started on. that one will take the longest time. colored with scenery background.

-there are two art trades i have not yet started on, and both will be colored.

-i want to draw colored pics of three of my adopted characters that you can see here:… i want to draw kmceci's, maruuki's, and rinchan's.

and what is next after all of those? well, my to-do list is much more unclear after that so i can't tell you all now because i might make a lot of changes to it later. there are several things i want to draw but i have to narrow down that list somehow.

um... so yeah. that's it. it's weird not writing a long journal for once. have a nice day/night! XD

messed-up motivation

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 1, 2016, 1:16 PM
i have to explain why i haven't been here. i feel rested because of the holiday season giving me some time off from work. so finally i gathered just barely enough motivation to write and post this journal. great, wow. by the way, this journal is super long and also depressing and probably hard to fully understand. you have been warned.

just some quick points to start off:

1. there was supposed to be a part 2 to "september updates part 1" but i never did it because i lost motivation to come here. and there were supposed to be features, but now it seems kinda silly to post features from months ago, so, sorry. >__<U

2. i took advantage of the buy-one-get-one core memberships. if you want to do it too, hurry up because there's not much time left. btw, i honestly didn't even want to be core anymore. i am anti-core. i hate the fact that they increased the price for no reason. but being core lets you get access to extra statistics for your account, and i'm the type of person that LOVES looking at statistics. so i had to be core. i would be frustrated without those statistics. that is honestly the one reason i actually bought a core membership again. if not for that, i wouldn't have.

3. if you're wondering why i haven't responded to your message, just know that i haven't been active on this site and even when i was more active i still left many messages unanswered (because i had too many). so, you are not alone. i have been ignoring EVERYBODY. i have not been here. the number of people who never got a response from me is high. it's not like i singled you out.

4. i'm going to become more active on twitter and tumblr, but twitter first. i will be releasing wip's there from time to time and will also be talking about art-related things and tv shows too! i don't even feel like tumblr-ing right now but i have to get back into it. i can't abandon tumblr, that would be bad.

5. part of me doesn't want to be here right now. i'm not happy to be back. i'm only coming back because, well, i have to come back eventually so it might as well be now. but i'm not excited about it.

6. i mentioned "work" but didn't say what that was. in december i started my new (full-time) job as a day care worker. i help teach three-year-olds. it's an unexpected career choice for me but hey, i needed a full-time job and this is where i ended up. i love being around young children, so i'd be okay with having this job for a few years. but i hope that's all the time it takes until i become an artist. i like childcare for now but i need to leave eventually.

7. my goal is to be a pro manga creator but weeks ago i secretly made a surprising decision: i will not try to do any manga any time soon. i have ideas but don't know when i'll do them. right now i want to focus on illustrations only and not worry about manga! i have cancelled my manga collabs with people. what a bad idea, to try to collab with others. collabbing is a bad idea for me. i didn't realize that i'd be wasting people's time and dragging them into my mess of lack of time management and motivation. i wanted so badly to do manga collabs. i still want that.

so now i should talk about why i haven't been here (or tumblr or twitter). it took a loooooong time for me to even have the motivation to write and post this journal. i was very slow with writing it, even after i figured out what to write. though at first i didn't know, and i had to figure out what has been wrong this whole time. it took me FOREVER AND EVER to do that. i eventually realized there were multiple things. i had to break everything down and examine each piece of why i had lost motivation. i lost motivation not only to come to these websites, but to draw. i have been doing nothing but sketching for months, and even then, it was just occasional sketches. not a lot of activity. i really slowed down. i was in a slump. i was distracted by the whole looking-for-a-new-job thing but also, there were other problems. some of this, i've said before. but some i have not:


it's a problem i've had since 2013 or maybe even 2012, idk. i'm slow with completing drawings. i've said it before but in case you missed it, i do have a slowness problem with drawing and sadly it's a MAJOR destroyer of my motivation. i've battled artblock several times because of this problem. it affects me greatly because it takes away my confidence in myself!! the slowness makes me want to draw less, and drawing less makes me finish works even more slowly. why does this make me draw less? because i absolutely can't stand the feeling of drawing, drawing, drawing, on and on, then looking at the picture and not much has changed. that's a terrible thing for me to experience. i'm definitely not the nice, neat "perfectionist" type or the "excessive details" type. that's what's so weird. i'm pretty messy as you can see, and i have some detail but it's not lots and lots of detail. so why does it take me so long? one reason i can think of is that i like to use several different tools while coloring, and i don't have much of a routine as to what order i use the tools. (i don't want to have a routine). using mixed media is fun!! but what about sketching? i guess i just erase a lot. but, if i didn't do that then my work would have more mistakes, duh. though... i've heard some people say that with a higher skill level, you can go faster. i even asked sakimichan (the master of doing great artwork super quickly) and she basically told me "just keep practicing." i don't have time to practice for long periods of time, except weekends and holidays. so my slowness problem won't be going away any time soon.


it's tricky to say this without offending... you all, the people who give me comments. you might feel offended if i don't like your comments. but well, sometimes i just don't like them. it reached a point where i asked myself "WHY exactly am i even sharing my work in public? why am i voluntarily doing this? i could just stop it and then i wouldn't get comments." true, but then i wouldn't exactly reach my goal of becoming a pro. so i have to show you all my work and attempt to build a fanbase. it's just that this whole thing about connecting to a community of artists stopped being fun. even when i wrote a journal several months ago about how i will no longer take negative comments seriously unless they come from someone i trust, i had that "i don't care" feeling very briefly and then went right back to caring about it. (but i didn't delete the journal.) i lost motivation to upload things to this site. why bother uploading when i am afraid to read the comments? i guess i could just disable comments, and i do that sometimes, but i don't want to do it ALL the time or else what's the point of even uploading anything, if everyone is silenced? (even the positive comments are silenced!) so i don't want to disable, but when i leave comments open it's still scary for me. me disliking your comment comes in a few different types:

-you pointed out a mistake that i didn't notice before but i did notice after you pointed it out. this is... fine. as long as it's not stated in a rude or condescending way, it's fine. although if it happens lots of times then i become sad. -__-

-you pointed out something you think is a mistake but i look at the same thing and cannot see the mistake. this one makes me feel like i'm crazy... lol. i start doubting myself. i will doubt you too. i will go back and forth wondering whether i'm crazy or you're just annoying. this type of comment is hard to deal with!! who's right?

-you didn't say anything positive in your comment. it was only negative. you might be thinking 'i don't have to point out the good things about this drawing, she already knows them.' no. the fact is, if you don't say anything positive in your comment then i will think that you didn't like anything about my drawing. i can't read your mind. if you don't tell me that you like a certain part of my work, how will i know that you like it? i won't know. if you fave-and-run it's one thing. you liked my work but didn't have time to comment. but if you take the time to comment and you only say negative things, then it looks to me like you didn't like anything. and nothing makes me feel good like knowing that you couldn't think of one thing you liked about the drawing i took a frustratingly long time to make (see problem #1).

-you're just a troll who is deliberately trying to say something mean. actually this isn't even that bad. it's easy not to take a comment like this seriously. (though it's still a little irritating)

-you used my improvement meme to tell me about all the ways you do not think i improved. if you're going to tell me that i didn't improve, at least do it on a pic that wasn't created for the sole purpose of showing my improvement. that makes sense, right? i'm the type of person who is very open and honest about my emotions, so let me tell everyone right now, when you go to an improvement meme and say this and that about how i didn't improve that much, it's even worse than a negative comment on any other drawing. i want everyone to know how crappy that made me feel. now you know. even if you're thinking 'if that happened to me, i wouldn't feel that bad about it' i don't care how you would feel. i'm telling you that i had a hard time with it and it was a big hit to my motivation. i still believed i have improved a lot. i have said that consistently. i don't believe the people who say i didn't improve. there was never a time i believed that. still, i hoped that others would have a happy moment with me when they see my improvement (or else why would i even post the improvement meme in public?). and some do! but some do not, and they think it's a good idea to actually tell me that. quite simply, it's not.

there was someone a while back who, in a note, said something to me that hurt my feelings. she wasn't trying to be mean. but i told her how hurt i was. i will never hide the way i feel. i don't do that. when you say something about someone's art, you affect them more than you know. they won't always tell you how bad you made them feel. i will, but others may not. be careful what you say, because you might just be that one special person who puts an artist into artblock who was already trying to fight off motivation problems BEFORE you decided to talk to them.

(and for me it wasn't one particular person, it was more than one. but still! be careful what you say because you could be that one straw that breaks the camel's back, or in this case the artist's back.)

this was long so i'll summarize in a main point: there are some artists who (1) get a high number of comments on every work and (2) almost all of that high number comments are positive. there are several artists like that. it's not like it's unheard of. it does happen. i've seen it a lot. if other artists can be like this, why can't i? so that is one of my goals. but i never reach it.


sometimes i dislike a drawing while i'm still working on it. (i can still remember "a very makoharu christmas" which you can see in my gallery. that's my worst memory of a pic that as i kept working on it, disliked more and more. i completed it not because i liked it but just because i didn't want to waste the time i'd already put into it. hey, it's like college.) yep that happens sometimes and it's an annoying feeling. but, usually i'm pretty confident in a drawing while i'm working on it. then i finish it and i lose a bit of confidence. 'did i do well enough?' then i post it to the internet and i lose a lot of confidence within the next couple of days. i notice mistakes i didn't notice before. in the past it took me a few months to notice mistakes after posting. then one month, now it's just like 1-3 days. good, right? i'm getting smarter so i should be happy, right? no. i would like to not make major mistakes, so there'd be hardly anything to notice in the first place.

it's SUCH a difficult feeling to handle, when you know you tried so hard on that drawing and you were super careful about doing things right and not making mistakes. you were so, so, so careful and smart the entire time you were drawing. you were paying attention. you even held your work up to a mirror and corrected things. you did this and that. you're so smart and then you upload the pic and see mistakes and suddenly you feel dumb. "why didn't i catch that before??????"

i've become afraid to upload, for this reason and for the reason in problem 2.


i mentioned that i liked working in childcare yet wanted to leave eventually. what i want to do is go from full-time to part-time, then go from part-time to none at all. the first step is going part-time, so what i need to do is begin making money with art using the time i have on nights, weekends, and holidays. when i am consistently making money (it can be a small amount of money but it needs to be consistent) i can say "if i had more free time, i could make more money with art." right now, i can't say that because i'm not making ANY money yet. i need to get to a point where i can say that. then i can become a part-time childcare worker and use nights, weekends, holidays, plus extra hours that i would now have that are no longer being spent at daycare. then eventually i would get to a point where i can stop childcare altogether and become a full-time artist. but i can't even go part-time yet because i'm not making money.

you might be wondering: how will i make consistent money and justify making the switch to part-time? i'm not going to be doing manga just yet but sometime later i'll have to do a one-shot and sell it. and i might create additional products to sell. but the main thing will be commissions. i want to do a bunch of commissions. so yeah it'll be a combination of things to sell + doing commissions. and then much later i wll be doing fewer commissions and more manga, and merchandise. but, about commissions... i can't start doing commissions now. i can't because i have some other illustrations i have to do first. and that's fine, because i want to do those. i'm not yet very popular, but that's also fine because i can try various strategies to get my name out there and once i become more well-known i'll have more people available to buy my commissions. so what's the problem? the problem is what i said in #1: how long it takes me to do drawings. the higher-priced commissions are those with multiple characters and/or a background. but those pics take longer to do. i could instead do quick headshots, but i would not make as much money. i can't do anything but quick and simple commissions unless i solve this "takes too long" issue. asking people to pay me and then taking forever and ever to give them what they paid for is unacceptable. i've messed up with not answering messages, not doing kiriban prizes, not doing other things... but at least i've never taken forever to do something after someone's paid me money (because, i've never been paid money for art in the first place). i would like for people to start giving me money, but i can only ask for this if i can deliver something in a timely manner. when i have some other illustrations on my to-do list done, i will start doing simple commissions and gradually work up to more complicated commissions-- if i can do them on time.

now i've explained the four points. you can see that they connect to each other. combined, these things created a GIGANTIC artblock. i didn't do much art, plus i didn't feel like coming on da and talking to people about art, and i didn't feel like looking at my watched artists and seeing all of them post their wonderful art that i did not draw. i let myself become distracted by other things in life. well at first there was the end of college. before that, i had tons and tons of homework and i had an internship. those things (mainly the homework) got in the way of me doing art. but then those things disappeared as may ended and june came. i was happy to be done with school and i thought 'yay, drawing time!!' but in late june i wondered why i wasn't motivated to do art. i thought i was "tired" or something. and then my family went on a trip for the fourth of july, to visit relatives. for a few days i enjoyed spending time with family, away from da. it makes sense that i would not be on da then. but then AFTER the family trip, i surprisingly found myself staying away from da more.

i paid attention to politics (i like to follow political news, that's my other hobby besides drawing) and job hunting, and i did get a part-time retail job. time passed and i did a little bit on da and with drawing, but hardly anything. i had to accept the fact that this wasn't a temporary "being tired" and the fact that i couldn't blame my distractions with jobs and politics. i had to figure out what was wrong. then i had to write about it and post this journal.

there's just one thing:

i never actually solved these problems.

that's why i wasn't very motivated to write this journal and i'm not happy to be here. nothing has changed. the problems haven't been solved. because it's the first day of january, it's tempting to say "new year, fresh start!" and "new year's resolution!!" no, screw new year's resolutions. forget it. i'm not going to suddenly pretend that a new number on the calendar actually changes anything. something has to genuinely change. but it hasn't. therefore i'm not eager to come back to this website. i felt, and still feel now, as if i am just stuck in a cycle. i do the same thing over and over. the same things happen. the same problems exist, unsolved. and i've had a finished illustration on my computer for a few weeks now, and did not upload it yet. (it's "emerald girl") that's unheard of for me. to have a finished pic that i don't wanna upload in public? no way! that's not me. until now. i'm not excited to upload things anymore, and uploading my art to the public is something i've for the most part been happy to do, for years. but what's the point? i upload, then look and see mistakes, then get comments i don't want to read, then when i gather enough courage to read comments, i never know when it's something i won't like that will throw off my sense of "i love sharing my work with others because connecting with other artists makes me happy," then i have to leave that flawed awkward picture up there for a looooong time without a newer picture to upload, because it will take me 100 years to finish the next thing, all while dreaming of "my future as a popular manga artist" or even "my near future where i do a commission and get paid for it" and even that "near" future won't happen in soon, ugh. and to make me feel even better i'll watch other artists in my watchlist posting spectacular art, and manga, and selling things, and getting tables at conventions, and other cool things that i am not doing. wonder i feel this sad!!!

i disappeared from here and said nothing to you all. i wanted to solve everything myself. i thought 'asking for help from other people? no. i can't depend on others to make me feel better about myself. confidence must come from within and it's not something other people can give me.' but trying to figure it out myself is not working, so now i'm telling this to you all. i think my biggest issue with writing and posting this is that it includes the thing about the comments, and you all (the public, just... deviantart people in general) are the same people giving me comments (some of which i don't like.) i'm asking for help from the same people who hurt me...?? that's not exactly true because many of you haven't hurt me at all. but some have and you are seeing this too. i don't have another choice. after many weeks passed of me feeling unmotivated, i finally talked to my brother, and i also talked to Moon-Dreamer18. but i needed to also put this out there in public, and not rely on only two people. now everyone knows what's been going on. you don't have to respond but i just needed to have this explanation out there.

PS: if anyone is wondering about LaceSong, obviously it's not like i've been active with that either. my motivation problems affected that too. i took a pause with lace song. we did the contest and now i'm not sure what to do anymore with the group. so i did nothing. i have to talk about it with the people who are in it. we'll see what happens with that. but yeah lace song is in pause mode because of all these complicated things i've been feeling.

PPS: despite the sad journal, i actually will be uploading art soon.

PPPS: feel free to talk to me about any art-related problems YOU are facing. i probably won't know what to say other than Just Keep Practicing but it's nice to vent.

september updates part 1

Wed Sep 23, 2015, 2:42 AM

Profile | Gallery | Inbox

i was going to write only one journal but it turned out to be so long that i am splitting it up into two journals. a second journal will be coming not too long after this one! so, like... in 3-4 days. i want this one to stay up at the top of my page for a bit and then the next one will be on my page for a longer time.


i would like to bring your attention to two very special contests!!! :heart:

in LaceSong, we are holding a contest that ends on sept 30th so hurry and do your entry!!! :la: you can win MONEY, and also art from me!! at this point it's pretty rare to get free art from me (or even paid art. i don't do commissions right now) so take advantage of this while you can. and see the other great artists from whom you can win prizes:…

also there is a contest being held by tiffa about her anime series "shadow magic"!!! there's been a deadline extension so check it out. you can win money here too.…

:love: FOLLOW-UP

and now, here is a follow-up to the previous journal:… i will answer the comments from there. i'm sorry because it's been so long by now. so i'm too embarrassed to actually reply to the comments THERE. instead i'll just write my responses below!!

by the way, it's funny because in that journal i was talking about a particular comment on my art that made me upset. yet, by now i can't remember who made the comment, and i don't remember what the comment said (except that i got the impression that the person didn't notice my improvement.).

i was afraid to read the comments on that journal, so i haven't read them until right now. that journal was my rebellious "i don't care" statement, and so if people criticized me for THAT, i wouldn't know what to say. i explained why i no longer care about critiques/criticism, and so i was afraid that someone would make a criticism of that journal itself, which would miss the entire point and would prove that the criticizer did not understand me at all and that my explanation failed miserably. i really didn't want that to happen, which is why i was afraid to look at the comments. i told you that i felt bad about myself. so, writing that journal wasn't easy and took a lot of courage.

naavaz said:

"Its sad how there always people who will try to put others down! They just have to leave bad comments... its not even worth reading some.  I agree with you, the ''I don't care attitude" is one of the best ways to react ( i think at least).  You have to be strong! OwO And nice idea by the end... i think it would do wonders on bad days...
I know i am not a very active watcher but know that i love your art and if you need something, just tell me! By the way, i swear i am working on your art trade hahaha (very slowlyyyyy)"

i'm so glad you understand me. those types of comments are not worth reading because it's annoying when i was feeling great about myself and my art until i read that comment (plus some other comments too that happened later on). if those comments hadn't happened then i would still be feeling great. that's why the comments aren't worth reading. it doesn't accomplish anything for me to read something like that. it only brings me down.

omg you didn't forget our art trade!!!! XDDD surprisingly, neither did i!! it seems like i forgot about it but i didn't. i just don't have time to work on that at the moment but i still remembered it.

katiefrog217 said:

"I think this is a great way to thank your watchers, even if it does seem a bit self-centered to others ^-^"

lol yeah i was trying to not make things ALL about myself so i'm doing a feature. it'll happen in the next journal. but still i am glad people listened to my self-centered talk... hahaha.

euxz said:

"I have a few on paper that I need to ink then I'll link them to you. :3
Also that side-note tip is really good idea, I should do that myself. :D
Keep up your chin and don't let people drag you down. "

yes you should do that idea!! hopefully you will have a comment from me in there because you mean a lot to me and i've told you that :hug:

cello342 said:

"I wish I was watching you before! I really like your creativity and coloring and everything. Anyways, I am now watching you! Here is the artwork I would like you to feature, 

I chose this one because I spent a lot of time on it and I like the result! Thanks for your help getting my art there! Keep up your good work"

it's okay i'll still feature you. i'm glad you like my art. i appreciate you very much!! =) EDIT: the thumbnail displayed when i first posted this journal but i removed it because i only want to feature next time.

sambeawesome said: (and i did notify you because your comment was long and i wanted you to see my response)

"Are you referring to your latest improvement meme?"

i forgot the particular comment i was referring to in that journal. though, by now, there have been two improvement memes and some more comments made.

"I read over the comments and while they could have been worded more eloquently, they did touch on some important points. (Of course, there were some troll comments, but ignore those.) They were mostly constructive criticism, and those comments are common on improvement memes."

not that i've seen. i don't usually see critiques given on improvement memes. (with the exception of people who directly ask for critique in the artist comments.) usually i see comments like "nice improvement!" and things like that. the fact that i got critiqued on my improvement memes was a huge letdown for me and it has made me not want to do any more improvement memes. sometimes over the past several weeks i've thought about doing another one and then i instantly lose motivation because 'i'll just get critiqued on it just like any other picture, the fact that i improved won't be noticeable to most people.' there is currently one old illustration i am planning to redraw and i've been planning that for a long time. other than that, no. i won't do it anymore. it's pointless for me to do an improvement meme if people are going to interpret it as not meaning much and not being special.

critiquing an improvement meme is like... what if my family, when i graduated college and had my ceremony and all that, had taken that time to scold me about some of my bad grades? it's a fact that i did get some bad grades, but the point of the graduation ceremony is to celebrate my achievement. so mentioning my mistakes at that time would be bad timing and would ruin the mood of the whole event.

"While it can be disheartening to not hear nothing but good things, it's part of how artists grow. Those who critique you constructively (key word: constructively) are trying to help you improve as that seems like a goal of yours."

their critiques don't help me improve though. i just improve on my own. people have been critiquing me for years and it's barely done a thing. i still have this problem where many people don't notice my improvement. if critiques were so important then i wouldn't have even had this incident where several people critiqued an improvement meme. like i said, it's been happening for years. the same thing happens over and over again. people critique me, i improve, and then some people don't notice the improvement and critique me. then the cycle happens again and again. don't you see what's happening here? each time, people say to me "it's to help you improve," like they're giving me hope of improvement in the future. it's false hope. nothing ever changes. it's a cycle. yes i do improve but if there are many people who don't notice... then, okay, what's the point? it's just the same as last time! i don't have hope that they'll actually help me. and like i said, i improve on my own too.

if anyone has a question about this paragraph above, i don't mind explaining more because it was hard to explain here and maybe i didn't explain it very well.

here's another way i can say it: there are some artists who rarely get critiqued, even when they get a lot of comments, few of them have anything negative to say. if you look at the ratio of positive comments to comments that include something negative, the ratio of positive comments is much higher than ones that have a negative thing. that's what i want and that's what i'm upset that i'm not getting. the ratio of positive-to-negative comments is what's always bothered me and for years i've hoped it would change and it never changes. that's what was so upsetting to me in the previous journal. it makes me feel like i'm running in a hamster wheel. i questioned myself "will i ever become pro?" don't get me wrong, i don't feel bad about my art. i felt good about my art but if other people don't like it, i can't become a pro. i still feel good about my art, right now! it's people's comments i don't feel good about. not the art itself.

"Regardless of skill level, there will always be something an artist can improve on. I'm glad that you are working to improve yourself, and perhaps you're just the kind of person who can't handle taking critiques (and there are plenty of people who can't! you're not alone there). I used to be the same, and even now, I'm shaky when it comes to it. I have to remind myself that the person is trying to be helpful and it's still my choice in the end whether or not to listen. I've found many times where I've been given critiques to be extremely helpful, they point out things I miss, or perhaps I saw something wrong but couldn't quite put my finger on it until they said something, etc. It can be frustrating at times, even discouraging, but it is for the benefit of the artist. (Again, "constructive" critiques, out-right bashing does not count as a constructive critique.)"

yeah and this is why i do want to listen to critiques from some people. i won't shut out critiques altogether. i'll listen to my closest friends and i will be sending occasional notes to specific people asking them for critique (if they have the time)

i don't want to get to the point where i ONLY rely on myself, and yet, it's so hard for me to trust others about this situation.

"I have noticed that a fairly good way in giving critiques is through something called the "critique sandwich." That's where the critiquer mentions what they feel could be improved sandwiched between praise in what was done successfully in the artwork. Perhaps that would be more up your alley and be more effective and beneficial for you? I've noticed that those type of critiques make things easier for me as an artist receiving them. It's important that the critiquer point out things that are working in the art, not just what isn't, that seems to be what you're aiming at here in your rant."

you're right although there are two things to point out (1) yes i definitely prefer sandwich critiques to just criticism. getting just criticism without anything positive is horrible to me. no matter how politely the comment is worded, no matter who the person is, no matter how much they are genuinely trying to help, if there are no positive things mentioned then it's such a crappy feeling like getting slapped in the face. (2) all of that refers to normal illustrations and not improvement memes. i don't want any critiques on my improvement memes, not even "sandwich" critiques. none at all. again, it's like going to someone's graduation ceremony and scolding about bad grades. still, my "no critique on improvement memes" thing is mostly irrelevant now because i will no longer do improvement memes. there's one more i'll do. but other than that, no. i'm done. even if i tell people "don't critique this" people will get mad at me for saying that so it's better for me to just stop doing them altogether.

"My only suggestion for you is to draw and draw as often as you can. Practice, experiment, go outside of your comfort zone. Figure studies, value studies, life drawing, things like that can help your art go a long way. I know you fear losing your style, trust me, I was in a similar boat. I didn't want to practice realism either, however I gave it a shot, and what I found out was that, while my style did grow and change and evolve, I could still go back to my old style. I can go back any time I want. My ability to draw my old style hadn't been lost, I had been drawing it for years and remembered it quite well, I found emulating it wasn't that difficult, especially since I had been practicing so many other styles. I've noticed that when I do draw my old style, it's actually better now than what it used to be, because I understand more and can apply things that I couldn't before. Granted, I've chosen not to draw my old style anymore since I've grown into wanting a different look, but that's my choice, and it's your choice too. :)"

that was my fear. i feared losing my style, if i did too many drawings that were way outside it. i've never seen a comment like yours, where someone said they were afraid to lose their style, then tried other things outside their style, then came back and their style was better. your comment does give me some reassurance but honestly i'm still afraid. if more people said things like what you just said, i wouldn't be afraid. but you're the only one for now.

there have been many people throughout the years who have tried to get me to learn realism in attempt to basically start over with art. they didn't tell me how i could keep my style. they were more interested in seeing me get rid of my style. so that's been my problem. i get really rebellious about this topic because it just makes me so angry to this day that all these people thought that "my style" was nothing more than an excuse, and they wanted to me to ignore its existence. and i don't want to become one of those artists who is lost, wandering around, not sure what style they want to draw in, and then their art comes out looking stiff and mechanical because they're just so confused and trying to force the art to come out of them.

so i will only do realism practice occasionally. not very much because (1) the reason i just stated above (2) my time management skills are horrible and i don't have time to do realism practices when i have a long to-do list of things to draw (in my style)

"Nevertheless, best of luck to you! I do hope you can reach your goals."

you too!! :happybounce: thank you for taking the time to write a thoughtful comment and i'm sorry for not responding earlier.

rave-kunn said:

"I guess i'll join then ^^ I wish we could talk a lot more now but I guess i'm pretty busy recently... but here is my new piece!… and a slightly recent one too…"

yeah i feel very bad about not talking to you lately. actually this is a great reason for you to read the next journal that'll explain more about my absence from da and why i haven't been talking to people as much as before.


i was tagged by seilyn!!…

1. Do you have a driving licence? (If you're too young, do you plan to take it?)

i do have one, i got it at 16 which is the minimum age where i live. but it took me a long time to feel comfortable with driving. i still don't always feel comfortable. but i have the CUTEST car. it's a red volkswagen beetle. of course i drive a beetle, it's so obvious. i love cute things and having a vw beetle was my destiny, lol. all my life i've wanted one.

2. What are your dreams?

idk if you meant "goals" or "imaginations you have when asleep" but i'll talk about both. my dreams that happen when i'm asleep are pretty awesome and weird. i don't dream every night, just once every several days. and i often have trouble remembering the dream. =( =( =( i wish scientists would invent technology that creates a recording of your dreams, omg i need that in my life :la: one thing i've noticed about my dreams is that there is often a very complex and interesting building. i keep imagining the insides of all these strange and fascinating buildings, with all kinds of weird layouts and interesting things in the rooms. i wish there were some kind of meaning to the fact that i keep thinking about being inside these amazing buildings. maybe there is a meaning to it after all... who knows?

my biggest goal is to be a full-time manga creator. much to my parents' dismay, i decided not to be one of those "spare time" artists who has a regular job and does art on the side. i want the art to be the main job that i have this is a significantly large goal to reach but i think it'll be worth it in the end. i know art doesn't pay well, but whatever. another thing i would like to do to make money is invest in at least one business (earning a percentage of their profits). but yeah the main thing is the art. manga is my dream. i want to have a huge fanbase for my mangas and have people talking about them and i want fans to meet other fans and become friends. and i want them to do all the things that fandoms do, like fanart, doujinshis, cosplaying, writing, collaborating, and other fun fandom things. when i was more active in the makoharu fandom i thought 'this is the kind of fandom i want for my mangas.' that's why it's painful to not be a part of that... i really need to go back.

3. What kind of music do you like?

i like a lot of different types of music. favorites though are like... dance pop? idk how to descrive it. but it's just normal pop music but i like energetic ones with a dance beat. (and i love remixes of those.) and my other favorite is jazz. because... i don't even know how to describe why i like jazz. i just do. i especially like jazz that was made in the 1950's and 60's. but also a third genre of music i like is this 1950's music called "exotica." one day i want to draw an illustration based on this music. basically it's this old music that sounds like you're on vacation on a beautiful beach or something. it is SUPER relaxing. enjoy:…

4. Can you sing?

when i'm alone in the house or driving by myself, i love to sing. but never around people. too embarrassing!! (i'm an okay singer? kinda?)

there's no #5?

6. How many languages can you speak?

i don't speak any other language than english fluently but i took japanese classes while i was in college so i know a little bit of that. i wasn't the best person in the class and i've forgotten a lot by now but i do know some words here and there and can read hiragana and katakana.

7. What's your favourite book?

it's manga XDDD "la corda d'oro" is my fave. :love:

8. And your favourite artist here on DA?

waaaaaay too many. just look in my favorites and you'll find some awesome artists!! ^__^ seriously, look in my faves. it's important to me that people look at what's in there because there's so much great stuff in there and i don't want you all to miss it.

9. Do you have animales?

i am not an animal person at all >__< no, i have never had pets and honestly i never will because i have no interest in them.

10. What's the most interesting thing you've done in your life?

my most interesting thing is that from jan-may 2015 i was in an internship at a theater (not a movie theater. a theater with a stage). that internship was SO cool. it was amazing to be in such a fancy theater and to be surrounded by people who did the behind-the-scenes office work on each spectacular show. i love the building too and idk i could go on and on but i really liked that internship, it was a cool place to be and i'm glad i had that experience.

the other most interesting thing is starting LaceSong because it was a very serious effort of mine. it wasn't just a fun thing i did because i was bored. it was a serious effort to try to help myself and other manga creators. i wonder where it will go in the future? i have big plans.

hey watchers! GET FEATURED!!

Mon Jun 22, 2015, 10:42 AM

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this is a self-centered rant journal, but i felt selfish for that and so what i want to do is help out my watchers a little. if you were already watching me before i made this journal, you can pick **two** of your artworks and post them in the comments below and i will feature them in this journal, in an update. no restrictions, anything is allowed!!!! i'm doing this as a "thank you" to my watchers. i want to take a moment to thank everyone who watches me, or follows me on tumblr or twitter, or has faved my work or given me nice comments. every single one of you matters because each time i get a new follower, fave, or nice comment, it gives me a great feeling. like this :happybounce: so don't think that you're only one person and you don't matter to me. you DO matter because you have given me more motivation to work on art and you have given me a more positive feeling about my own art. this is so important. the fact that you even did one thing to support me in any way is so important. you are very much appreciated!!! =) =) =) don't think that you are hardly making a difference to me because you ARE making a difference. i mean it.

this is the rant part: your follows, watches, etc mean so much to me because they give me hope that i can reach my dream some day. i want to be one of those "famous" people with a "fanbase" so that i can become a professional artist full-time. i don't want to be a part-time artist, i want to be a full-time artist. but in order to do that, i would have to have a VERY LARGE number of followers and watchers. i'd need to have enough people to actually BUY my stuff!!! i am nowhere near being a pro artist. but i still have hope that i can get there someday. so when i get a comment or watch or whatever, it gives me a little bit of hope.

when i receive negative comments, they take away a little bit of my hope each time. there was one time in particular recently when i felt absolutely terrible about myself. i forced myself to get over it a couple of days later but still, during that time i was so upset. i felt hopeless. that person's comment made me feel like my improvement didn't matter. that person's comment made me feel like no matter how much i improved, hardly anyone would notice. that person's comment made me seriously question myself and i wondered whether or not i could reach my dreams. it wasn't just that one comment, but the possibility of future comments. i wondered how many similar comments i would receive, for years to come, no matter how much i improved. it's already been happening for years

this is why i need people who support me. if there were many people who did not like my art, how could i become a pro? i couldn't. i do like my own art, right now. (i don't always like it. but right now i do.) still, i'm just one person. i can't be a pro if i only impress myself and not other people. i think i have come a long way and have improved a lot but there are others who don't think so. i will not let their opinions destroy my sense of accomplishment. i know what i've improved on. i know how much time and effort i have put into my work. even though some other people can't see it, that doesn't change what i know. however, the fact that there are some people who did tell me i improved is sooooooo very very important to me!!! i've gotten comments on how i have improved a lot, and i've gotten comments about how i've barely improved at all. i'm getting mixed messages, and this isn't new. i've been on this site a long time. over all this time, i've gotten lots of positive comments on my art and lots of negative comments. to whom should i listen??? i should listen to myself first. but then, i have to listen to the positive comments. the positive comments tell me that i'm not crazy, i actually do have some art skills. and the funny thing about negative comments is that me listening to them and taking their suggestions seriously wouldn't do me any good. based on my experiences, i can tell you that it does NOT matter what things i try to improve on based on what other people say. if i try to make one thing better, someone else will come along and say that it's a mistake. if i listen to THAT person and try to improve based on what THEY say, then a third person will come along and say that that's also a mistake. basically, whatever i do is wrong. it honestly doesn't matter.

so, i have decided that i will not pay attention to any critique given to me unless the person giving the critique is one of my closest da friends. (because, those are people i trust because we have talked to each other many times and they know me well.) but other than that, no. i can't keep doing this. i'm not going to read some random person's critique and think 'oh goody!! all i have to do is improve on these things this person said and then everything's fine!!!' lol nope. i have learned that there will always be people who think that certain things i do are mistakes, and people who think that those same things are fine and it's other things that are mistakes, and there will be a third group of people that has a DIFFERENT idea of what counts as a "mistake" and what doesn't... uggghhhh. basically, i don't care anymore. i honestly cannot tell what is a mistake and what isn't. i don't know who's right and who's wrong, so i just have to listen to myself and i will listen to people who have followed my art for a long time and who genuinely like my art and care about me as a person. i can trust people like that. and i can trust myself because i am the one who has put hours and hours and hours into doing all this artwork. but, i can't trust anyone else anymore. starting now i will adopt an "i don't care" attitude and i will concentrate on positive comments, close friends, and my own creative instincts.

sidenote: i have an idea that i want everyone to try. it's something i've done too. whenever you get a very good comment on your art, copy and paste the comment, along with the person's name and the date, into a document on your computer. it may not seem like much now, but if you do this over a long period of time, like months or years, those very good comments will add up. you can reread that document whenever you are feeling under-confident. there will be comments that you will have forgotten about until you reread the document. so yep, definitely make that document today!! if you keep it going for a long time, you will have a lot to put in there.

busy this week

Mon Jun 15, 2015, 9:59 PM

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EDIT 6-20:

it's saturday. vbs is over and it was tiring but still fun. i worked with 4-year-olds. they're so tiny and cute :heart: but several of them had trouble being quiet and behaving... lol. and, for the first time ever, i had the responsibility of coming up with some activities for the kids. that made me nervous, and i was constantly during the week trying to come up with activities. i didn't prepare much last week because last week i was trying to catch up on drawing and deviantart stuff...!! so because of that, i've been pretty stressed out this whole week. and then my sleep schedule was all messed up because i'm not used to waking up early. uggggh i didn't draw the whole week and i barely went on da. but fortunately i've been drawing today. i'm going to post a new drawing soon and then the next one is going to be haru from "free!" =) his birthday is on the 30th.


it's just the same vent journal i've posted 100 times. don't even read this unless you're really bored. this journal is not important and i don't want to waste your time.

but i just wanted to say, i don't have a job (yet) and no longer have an internship or school, so lately i've been trying to catch up on a lot of things, despite my huge time management problems. things were going great for a short while and then somehow the last three days of last week resulted in me accomplishing almost nothing even though i had plenty of time. i don't know how it happened. so as a result, i felt very guilty, tense, and frustrated. and i thought 'next week will be even worse because my volunteering will take up my time.' but then i tried to not be so negative. i tried to think positively and think 'despite volunteering, i'll get other things done somehow.'

this week has me volunteering at my church's vacation Bible school program. despite last week's optimism, it's only been one day and i'm already frustrated because i accomplished nothing today outside of volunteering. and normally i'd wait and think 'i shouldn't tell my watchers about this because things will probably get better soon and i'll accomplish a lot!!!' but when i wait and don't tell you guys anything, more days pass when i barely accomplish anything and barely reply to people. then i make a journal like "sorry for my slowness and late replies." so this time, why wait? i don't think the week's going to get any better. so i'm going to say, i might not reply or do anything much here this week. it's funny because last week i told you all i was catching up on replies and other things. LOL NOPE. it can't happen this week apparently. next week i will have more time, thank goodness. (although last week i had plenty of time and still had problems...) i wish i had never signed up for vbs. i say that, even though i like volunteering with children and i like my church and helping children and helping my church are very close to my heart. and yet, i wish i hadn't signed up this year. and yet, i'm glad i did. and yet, and yet, and yet.

people have things they are good at and bad at. i think there are some people in the world who are naturally very bad at time management. i think there are some people in the world who are naturally very creative and passionate with tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and tons and even more tons of artistic ideas. so i happen to have both of these traits and it's a sickening, disgusting combination. because i have such a huge number of ideas of things to draw and write, i'm constantly disappointed by how little i accomplish. this is a pretty horrible thing to say but: sometimes i wish i had fewer ideas and less passion. at least if i were one of those "no inspiration, can't think of anything to draw" people, i wouldn't be so sad and disappointed all the time.

i'm trying to analyze my bad time management skills: i think a big problem that i have is that i have an interest/passion for such a wide variety of things. i read all kinds of things on the internet. i write comments all the time on the da forums and sometimes comment on other websites too. sometimes it takes me a looooong time just to write one comment because i want to think carefully about what i'm saying. i wrote a comment on the forums today that took me more than a half hour to write, i think. and along with my passion for reading a variety of things and writing about my opinions, i also have a passion for writing (fiction) and drawing, obviously. i have a long to-do list of illustrations and i have three different manga projects going on, as i mentioned in the previous journal. plus there is blogging/social media/ fandom stuff.

i can't "schedule my time" because i have a very hard time judging how long certain things will take so i'd constantly be readjusting the schedule each day, which defeats the entire point of creating a schedule in the first place. i can't "prioritize my activities" because "prioritize" is another way of saying "throw aside some things even though they are important to you." EVERYTHING is important to me. do i want to read fewer articles? no! do i want to comment on forum posts less? no! do i want to cancel or postpone my current mangas? no, they've already been postponed by school. do i want to cancel some illustration ideas? i already have and don't want to cancel any more. do i want to stop doing blogging/ social media/ fandom stuff? no. i DID pretty much stop, and i want to start again. i can't yet, but i want to. and let me tell you something about "prioritizing." let me show you what happened the last time i tried to "prioritize" something. look how little i've updated over the past several months. i used to be there a lot. then i decided that that blog wasn't my top priority and then, look what happened to it. a very active and fun blog pretty much died. (i do plan to come back though) honestly, ever since i got into "free!" and makoharu, those things have taken up tons of my time, and yet it all has made me so happy. SO HAPPY. it's definitely been worth it.

in conclusion: my time management problems are like probably the worst anyone has ever had in all of human history lolol i know it seems like i'm just lazy or secretly not passionate enough. when most people say "i want to do x and yet i never seem to accomplish much toward it" it usually means that deep down they DON'T want to do x because they are lazy, not passionate, or even afraid. okay am lazy sometimes... but that's honestly not the problem here. sometimes i believe i have a mental disorder. i don't know. i just know that telling me to make a schedule or prioritize things probably won't help me.

and i've used up 45 mins just writing this journal, wtf.

big update, current projects

Wed Jun 10, 2015, 3:38 PM

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do you want to enter a fun contest with lots of cool prizes? then you have to see lace song's manga romantic scene contest!!! not only can you win money but also you can win art from myself and others. to get the best prizes, join the lace song da page as a "member." and guess what? there are ways to win prizes even if your art skills aren't the best!! :nod: in fact, one of the possible ways to win is favoriting the journal. that's it, that's all you have to do...

~)+-x: Manga Romantic Scene Contest :x-+(~fonts used: |
It's finally here!! Lace Song is having its very first contest! This contest is sure to be a lot of fun, and the prizes are very good. (**MONEY** is one of the prizes!) We hope you join in... but make sure you read the rules carefully. :nod: Entries that don't follow the rules can't win a prize.
What is Lace Song? We are a group of people who came together because we all had an interest in making manga. We have planned mangas and some in-progress mangas as well. You can follow our page here on dA by becoming a member. Click "join our group" and you'll automatically be accepted! There are more ways to keep up with us, too:
:bulletpurple: Website: (Lace Song's homepage on the internet, with all the basic information easy to access.)
:bulletpurple: Tumblr: http://la

and if you are looking for a good artist to commission, look at mehipnotizas' commission info here:… the great thing about her is that she can do a variety of art styles such as graphic design, realism, and disney style!!! :meow:

sketchy stuff by mehipnotizas Disney Girls Belly Dance by mehipnotizas Elegant Affair by mehipnotizas

she's also selling prints of some of the things that are in her gallery right now.


school's out... forever!! it took six years but i finally escaped college, doing my last homework assignment on may 26th =D my internship ended as well, a few days before that. other than some paperwork complications with school (which have finally been resolved recently) i haven't had any responsibilities except looking for a job. so the next step after i finished all my homework was to get the lace song contest ready to go. i had wanted that contest to start weeks ago =( but school got in the way. :roll: well at least now, the contest has started and all i have to do is advertise it. now i can focus more on other things. i had to put off these things because of school. i lost time, and that makes me very angry. oh well... here are the things i'm working on:

-illustrations for myself and others. i was doing this during school but i had less time and didn't get too much done. now i can do more. i have a lot of things to do and i don't even have a to-do list in public like i used to because i keep changing it lol. well, you'll just have to wait and see what happens. but, i am going to try to speed myself up. i'm very slow because when i try to go faster, the quality goes down. i have to find a way to speed up without reducing quality. this is very difficult but i'll try to do it.

-Gilded, a oneshot manga in collaboration with Xoxochi. for updates on that, keep coming back to see this tag…

-Samiyah-and-Zahir, a oneshot manga in collaboration with PuNK-A-CaT and mehipnotizas. as you can see, we have our own deviantart group so if you want updates about SaZ, please click "join our group" and become a member.

-a not-yet-titled oneshot manga in collaboration with Euxz. there will be updates about that on her deviantart and on lace song's tumblr.

-remember my otp, haru and makoto from the anime "free!"...? i have a blog that is all about them and it's right here: due to school and art, i had to become barely active on there. it's really, really sad because i was very active there and gained a ton of followers. i let many people down and i haven't even been keeping up with what's been going on in the makoharu fandom. i do plan to come back to the blog and with a whole new theme! but it's so embarrassing now. i bet so many people in the fandom know things i don't. and i used to be in on all the inside jokes. and people loved talking to me and reading my blog. but now it's going to be awkward because i was gone for so long.

-it seems like forever ago that i've been wanting to do a few short makoharu comics. but i haven't been able to. so that's still happening, finally. also i plan to draw a pic of haru for his birthday :heart: i already have an idea in my head. in fact, i've been wanting to draw this illustration for over a year. =(

-i used to help out at seabreeze romance scans which is a group that scanlated doujinshi of makoharu and a few other things. i had to quit several months ago but i've been wanting to return. i told them i wanted to come back but wasn't sure if i'd be able to. i still am not sure and will think about it for a couple more days. i feel so terrible about it because those makoharu doujins mean a lot to me and are super inspiring. those doujins are SO important to me. that's why i wanted to be a part of it all. but the least i can do is make those mini manga that i mentioned above...

as you can see, i have a looooot of things going on. plus looking for a job!! it's a lot to handle but hopefully i can manage it all.

:upset: REPLIES

i had to really slow down a lot with replies because of school and all that. now i have more time for replies but still, there's all those other things i mentioned above. so what i'll do is i'll reply to some comments and notes but not all of them. please wait for one week... and then if you still want to talk about something and i didn't reply to you, you can send me a note about it. but yeah please don't feel insulted/offended if i didn't reply to you about something. it doesn't mean that i dislike you. it just means that i needed to not reply to every single thing ever.

and this goes for tumblr and twitter too! i am behind on twitter replies and tumblr messages. btw in case you didn't know, my twitter is and my tumblr is .


like i mentioned in a previous journal, i have some milestone goals that i will reach and make tutorials when that happens.

MALE VS. FEMALE FACE MINI-TUTORIAL: 50 twitter followers (so close...)
EYE COLORING TUTORIAL: 60 twitter followers
HAIR COLORING TUTORIAL: 400 tumblr followers (current number: 372)

you are free to make suggestions about tutorials or other things you want me to do.

****how to get more attention on da!!!****

Journal Entry: Sat May 30, 2015, 12:17 PM
i see this question being asked all the time, so i'm just gonna make this journal and give the link to everyone who asks this question. XD

there is a long list below. you don't have to do EVERYTHING on it, but the more you do, the better!! and i'm not even saying that i do everything on the list. ^__^U so don't use me as an example. just read the list. and be patient because usually, it takes a long time to get noticed by many, even if you try really hard...

leave comments on people's art, page, and journals. do this a lot.
1. find people with similar interests or a similar art style! this way, you can understand each other well!! talk about your related interests!! :nod:
2. don't leave quick comments like "cute," instead point out something specific that you like about the art. more than one specific thing is better.
3. positive comments are better than negative ones. no detailed critiques unless the artist specifically says that they want to get critiques/feedback.
4. if you do give critiques, CLEARLY EXPLAIN what the problems are AND how the artist can solve them.
5. sometimes artists don't respond to comments because they are too busy. don't be sad, it's not like they are purposely insulting you. they just can't get to everybody.
6. sometimes artists won't notice you when you only make one or two comments but they notice you if you consistently give them comments over a long period of time. patience, my child.

post in the forums a lot!! there are many categories to choose from so just browse around the forums and see what topics interest you. talk, talk, talk.
1. avoid complaints, politics, and philosophy and religion unless you are prepared for people to give you rude responses. if you think you can handle it, then go ahead!!
2. read each forum's rules before starting a thread. so many people don't bother to do this :roll:
3. say interesting things instead of "i agree" or "that's weird" or something. give a longer response than that.
4. argue with people. this is the biggest way i have gained pageviews, this is literally the main reason i have so many pageviews

submit your art to a bunch of groups. but be careful... read each group's rules before you submit!! that's important. but yeah, the more groups, the better. i've seen art submitted to 30, 40, and even more!! don't just submit to groups with lots of members. submit even to groups with not many members. groups with too many members means that your art has a higher chance of not being noticed and lost in the crowd.

draw fanart of things you're genuinely interested in. i do not support people who pretend to be a fan of something just to get popular. anyway, be sure to tag your fanart with the series name and character names, and submit to groups related to that series. fanart is awesome, i am a very strong supporter of fanart (and fanfics and doujinshi) because i think it's a lot of fun for you and for others in the fandom who see your work!! ^__^ btw, why not create multiple fanarts for the same series? it's a good idea!! it's better to do that then just creating one fanart for many different series. choose two or three things and make multiple fanarts for each.

-quality and quantity
1. do not submit good quality work every once in a while
2. do not submit lower quality work often (unless it's in scraps)
3. if possible, try to submit good quality work often. this is hard to do, i know. but it's possible. the person who does this the best is sakimichan. she not only has amazing work but she submits many things per month, because she has to please her patrons on patreon. this is why so many people support her patreon. it's not just the quality of the work, it's not just the fact that a lot of it's fanart, but it's also just how many things she does!!

-other social media
facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, etc. just find other sites and post your art. but on these sites it's important to reach out to other people and talk to them. unless you are really really skilled, just posting your art won't get you much attention, even if you are tagging it. so, don't join tons of sites. only join sites you are willing to invest time into.

-art trades, requests, collabs, and other projects
go into the projects forum and you'll find people doing all these things. talk to these people!! or even start your own projects forum thread. the point is, use art in a social way to put yourself out there and interact with others. who knows, you might make a new friend!! check the projects forum often.

-backgrounds, interesting angles, interesting poses
putting these in your art make it more eye-catching and people are more likely to check it out. downside: these require skill to pull off effectively. so work hard on your skill. practice every day or almost every day!!

entering contests is a way to get noticed even if you don't win, because you know that the other contest participants are going to look through the contest entries!! or you can even start your own contest. but make sure the prizes are good. no contests where first place gets like 100 points, that's way too low.

i don't know anything about RP but apparently it can be a fun way to make friends... so maybe try that?

something i barely do, but you can check it out:

-thumbshare forums
da has a thumbshare for everyone and another one just for premium members which is just like the other one but fewer people post in it. start your own thumbshare thread and post thumbnails of your work! but also, post in other people's threads. it's a good way to share your work and even get comments!!

-random browsing
browse through the "newest" category on da's front page. better yet, browse through the newest in a particular category, such as traditional anime and manga. yes you'll find a lot of bad art. >__< but there's good art mixed in. and often, you'll find undiscovered people who don't have many watchers, even pretty good artists. if you watch them and comment, they'll really appreciate that!!

do memes such as "draw this again," "facial expressions" memes, "pen challenge," and other things. tag and submit to groups. for example, there are groups that are entirely dedicated to improvement memes.

-make tutorials
if you think you are able to make a good tutorial, then make one!! heck, make more than one. people like tutorials. and just in general, people like it when you reach out to them and give them advice and guidance, as long as you provide it in a gentle, very friendly, and respectful way.

-attend livestreams
livestreams aren't just a great way to see a skilled artist in action. they are also little social events. there's always a chatroom on the side of the video, and people in the chatroom talk to the artist, but also each other. and at the end of the stream, at least in the livestreams i've been to, people in the chat post links to their da account!! :nod: or if you leave the chat early, post your da link before you go!

traditional artists, presentation of your work matters!! presentation creates a better-looking thumbnail and people are more likely to click on it. adjust brightness, contrast, and saturation. try to access a scanner and scan your work but take a brightly lit photo if you are unable to get to a scanner. and for the love of all that's good, do not draw on lined paper!! :|

-friends of friends
if you do some of the things i've mentioned above, and you consistently do these things over time, you'll make some friends. pay attention to other friends that your friends have. "friends-of-friends"/ "mutual friends" is a good way to meet people!!

if you draw porn or even just erotic art that's not pornographic then... well, you know what they say, "sex sells." XD

-----what NOT to do to get more attention on da-----

-point or art giveaways where people have to share the journal (by creating a new journal or poll) in order to enter
these are just annoying and i wish da would ban them. i don't like getting messages in my inbox about other people's giveaways becase 95% of the time i don't care.

-commenting or noting people asking them to look at your art or watch you
that's really rude. if people want to look at your art, they'll do it. don't actually ask them to.


-creepy fetishes
figure out how to draw sexy art that's not creepy and disgusting, you know?? (though it's true that some people will still like it...)

-creating multiple forum threads about the same thing or repeatedly bumping your thread
these are against forum rules and so irritating.

-updating your deviation or journal and choosing the option to notify watchers. only do this if there is an IMPORTANT update. i don't like seeing the same deviation or journal pop up in my inbox when there isn't an update to it that i would actually care about.

ranting occasionally is okay but doing it over and over again is annoying. whether you're starting too many complaints threads or you just like to rant in your journal, it's something that is likely to make people not want to pay attention if you do it too much.

-often posting new art in your gallery that is not good quality
like i said, don't post low quality art often. quantity matters but so does quality. do your best!!!

so that's all i can think of. well anyway, yeah, you have a lot of work to do don't you. start doing more of these things, except for the "what not to do" lol. success won't happen overnight, but if you keep trying and trying then you'll get somewhere.

Skin by alealara, edited by Sachi-pon
  • Listening to: XO-IQ songs on their yt channel

update: surprise success!!!

Sat May 23, 2015, 1:24 AM

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update: it was a nerve-racking last few hours. but the campaign was funded successfully this morning. look at the surprised people in the comments! (including me lol)…

this is one of those heartwarming never-give-up moments. see this chart that shows the last-minute surge in donations:…   imagine if i and the rest of the last-minute donators had, instead of donating, assumed failure and given up? but we didn't. this goes to show you, even if you're not so sure that something will work out, KEEP TRYING HARD. TRY HARDER THAN BEFORE. you have to have faith. do not admit defeat!!!

i am sooooooo happy for all the people involved in this project. i'm sure they were so scared :( but then they felt a lot better!! :D

***find out how to get a free request from me... read below!!!***

i was browsing kickstarter and indiegogo looking at artistic projects and i came across one that looks very interesting but is in serious danger of not making its goal.

Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! Star! 

please visit this campaign AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. seriously, hurry up!! you need to donate and spread the word immediately. at the time i am writing this, they have only 4 hours. so some of you may already be reading this journal too late. but if not then please donate and share on social media right now!!! don't wait, you have to do it right this second. they take credit cards or debit, you can use your debit card from your checking account at the bank (that's what i did). don't worry, this campaign is legit, it's a kickstarter staff pick.

honestly, stop reading this journal and go donate or if you can't, share the campaign with other people. yes, you. do something NOW. do not assume that other people will donate. do not wait.






okay now that you've donated and shared, you have more time to read the rest of the journal. you might be wondering:

why does it matter if the goal isn't reached? because if the goal isn't reached, the project gets cancelled. i'd feel terrible if this happened because this seems like a good campaign. i don't want it to get cancelled after coming so close.

why were you browsing kickstarter and indiegogo? someone i watch (mayshing) started a kickstarter campaign, and suddenly i am more interested in supporting crowdfunding projects for artists :nod: i was looking for something good to support.

don't you not have a job? how do you have money? i don't have a job but i got gift money for graduation recently. so i was able to make a pledge and i'm getting the hardcover book yay :la:

if there are 4 hours left, why did you say to donate and share immediately? you acted like there were only a few minutes. because, people are more likely to donate to a campaign if it's close to reaching the goal. if they don't think it's close, they won't donate. if not enough people donate, the campaign will fail. at the time i am writing this, the campaign is more than $2,000 away from the goal. that's a lot. it's less likely people will donate. but if YOU donate, then that raises the total, and then other people see the raised total and think 'hey this is close, i'll donate.' honestly i saw the campaign and was like 'no, i won't donate, this won't be successful.' but then i realized, i should help out!! so i'm trying to spread the word quickly. it's early saturday morning in america. hardly anyone is online at this time and it'll be tough for these people to spread the word and reach their goal, which is why i am helping out and why you too need to help spread the word around.

did you find any other great projects to recommend? yes, here's another one that is about helping young female artists in china who don't have much money:…

how can i get a free request from you? if you can provide proof to me that you donated to the broken frontier campaign or shared it on social media, i will draw something for you!! you'll have to screenshot your confirmation page or social media post and note me the file using or you can forward me your confirmation email. note me for my email address. what i draw for you depends on how many people contact me. so i don't know what i'll draw for each person but i do know that if you donated money, i will draw more for you and if you only shared, i will draw less and put your request at lower priority.

still so busy!!

Mon May 4, 2015, 12:06 PM

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as i have been saying in my previous journals and my signature, i'm still busy with schoolwork. and now i'm here to tell you, i might become even MORE inactive. there's a lot of work to be done... plus i have an internship, that's still going on.

btw... in america, my beloved new show "make it pop," which i mentioned in the previous journal, is rerunning its first and only season starting tonight on nickelodeon at 6:00 EST!!! :la: the season just ended on friday after beginning in early april (there was a new episode every weekday) and now the whole season will air again. i am sooooo happy that this show came in april and not any earlier or later than april. april was a very stressful month in my life, where i was unable to devote much time to fun stuff due to school, but unable to escape school because it wasn't ending until may. april was a huge pain for me!! glad it's finally over!! thank you, make it pop, for being the one bright spot in such a bad month. (and, a second season is coming!!) #nickelodeon #makeitpop #xo_iq #willanyoneevenreadthesehashtags EDIT: apparently they are not showing the reruns anymore?? ;__; oh well, you can still check out xo-iq's fun, cute songs/music vids here: [link] (there should be a playlist on the side)

yes, school ends this month. not sure exactly when but it will definitely be this month but it just depends on exactly when i finish everything. i'll make another journal when that happens, plus i will give you more details about illustrations and projects i am working on!! :heart: but unfortunately for now i will have to be mostly inactive. =( here's what will be happening during this inactive period:

  • i will still be active with LaceSong because we are planning a contest =D
  • i will submit something to my scraps soon: never-before-seen oc's!!!
  • i will do a little bit of commenting/replying here and there but not much.
  • i will continue to work on my current illustration and hopefully submit it soon but maybe not.

last but not least.... please read the previous journal if you haven't already!!
  important things here in this journal!so yeah this is a journal promoting several different things. please read and look at all this amazing stuff i am showing you. you knoooow you waaaaant tooooo... :nod: but srsly i would massively appreciate anyone who read this journal omg thank you so much!!! (if you fave it i will love you forever)
i and several other people on da have joined together because we are all trying to create manga!! our da group is :iconlacesong:, where anyone can click "join our group" and become a supporter of us!! =) that means you are now a "member." and members have not only our gratitude :heart: but they will also have some extra benefits such as extra prizes in our upcoming contest. and do you like twitter? you can visit our twitter page: several cute pictures there!!
but here's something brand new: lace song just came to paigeeworld!! PW is a fun art-sharing site full of pretty and interesting art. and now, the lace song artists have a group account that we share. it's

  • Watching: make it pop reruns

important things here in this journal!

Fri Apr 17, 2015, 11:47 AM

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so yeah this is a journal promoting several different things. please read and look at all this amazing stuff i am showing you. you knoooow you waaaaant tooooo... :nod: but srsly i would massively appreciate anyone who read this journal omg thank you so much!!! (if you fave it i will love you forever)

i and several other people on da have joined together because we are all trying to create manga!! our da group is :iconlacesong:, where anyone can click "join our group" and become a supporter of us!! =) that means you are now a "member." and members have not only our gratitude :heart: but they will also have some extra benefits such as extra prizes in our upcoming contest. and do you like twitter? you can visit our twitter page: several cute pictures there!!

but here's something brand new: lace song just came to paigeeworld!! PW is a fun art-sharing site full of pretty and interesting art. and now, the lace song artists have a group account that we share. it's an easy place to see several of our works at once so please look at our PW and if you are on the site, we'd strongly appreciate any follows/likes/comments you want to give!!

:bulletpink: ~ ~ ~ ~ :bulletpink:

want to see a tutorial from me? i've never made one before... until now. well, it's already partially made. but i won't finish it or post it until i get to 400 watchers. (so close!!) and that's not all:

MALE VS. FEMALE FACE MINI-TUTORIAL: 50 twitter followers
EYE COLORING TUTORIAL: 60 twitter followers 
HAIR COLORING TUTORIAL: 400 tumblr followers (i have 368 on tumblr. but my tumblr is on hiatus )

why am i waiting to do tutorials instead of doing them all right now? well, it's like "milestone goals" on patreon. i don't have a patreon because i don't feel that i'm at the point where people would give me ongoing money. but i do have da, twitter, and tumblr. and i have created some milestone goals so that i give a free gift to everyone, when enough people show me their support. (btw, you are free to suggest any tutorials you want me to do.)

and now here are a few other artists i want to promote. please please please look at these artist's pages. show them some love! they deserve a look.

Moon-Dreamer18 has posted the first chapter of her manga "Tsukiko: The Moon Child's Wish" today!! here are some artworks of the characters:

Tsukiko, the shooting star! by Moon-Dreamer18  Lady Adelaide Rosenheart- The rose's thorn by Moon-Dreamer18 Valentine Rosenheart- Born in a garden of roses by Moon-Dreamer18

Everybery is an excellent artist who specializes in realism and semirealism. his commissions are open.

Random portrait with fishes by Everybery Commission  - mermaid man by Everybery Commission  - autumn girl portrait by Everybery

Lovepeace-S has lots of beautiful, detailed works!! her commissions are open as well.

Commission: Sailor Neptune Michiru Kaioh by Lovepeace-S catching starlight by Lovepeace-S lady chibiusa by Lovepeace-S

naomiyui's art is so soft and cute, check it out! her commissions are also open.

  C: Kikiriann by naomiyui C: imimi-ai by naomiyui C: Kim-Mi-Chan by naomiyui

and finally, a little update on me... i am still in a period where i am not able to be as active on da as i want. i'm still in school, plus i still have that internship. but don't worry!! even though things are getting in my way, i am currently working on a new artwork and it's a knee-up with detailed outfit!! it's been a while since something really interesting has been posted into my gallery. i don't like that. i want to make my gallery more interesting. it takes me a loooong time to do art unless it is very simple, but i will keep trying and trying to create art that isn't simple. i'll keep trying, even though it's hard. i have got to improve my gallery!! hope you guys like my new art that i will finish in the coming weeks!!!

countdown to school ending forever: about a month left!! XDDD

sidenote: i support the nickelodeon shows henry danger (funny), bella and the bulldogs (sweet), and make it pop (cute)!! =D i'm just an unusually old nick watcher. oh well. ^__^

school is causing delays.

Sat Mar 28, 2015, 8:18 PM

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yeah i really do say this over and over again but, i am still slow at answering messages. i am answering a few but there are still a lot more things in my inbox as well that i haven't gotten to yet.

and sadly i can't make a promise of "it's okay, i'll be more active soon" because i am going to be doing a lot of schoolwork from now through most of may. so i can't even say that i will be more active. i have to say no!! if school ended now, i could give you that promise. but school is still here, so i can't even give you hope that i will be more active.

i won't be posting on tumblr much either. but there's still twitter, although my notifications are piling up there too: although, the good thing about my twitter is that it is the only place where i show WIP's!! if you're interested XD also the twitter for the independent shojo manga label Lace Song is also going to remain active:

and, i'll still be making art, including the tutorial that won't be posted until i get 400 watchers!!!

but i still wish school weren't in my way though. it makes me incredibly upset that there's nothing i can do to finish school right now and i have to keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting... ugh. it's like all i do is wait for school to be over and it's never over, it just keeps going on and on but never actually finishes. it's interrupting my life by further damaging my already bad time management skills.

it greatly annoys me when other people become less active on da because of school, so it is horrible that i have to become one of those people too, causing the same negative feeling in others that other people have caused for me.

my art goals!!! big journal!!

Sun Mar 8, 2015, 11:27 PM

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hi everyone!! turning one year older has made me do a lot of thinking about my goals. i wanted to take this time to write a detailed description of what i plan to do, so read this if you want to learn more about me. and you can tell me your art goals too because i like to know other people's goals.

my goal is to be a full time mangaka. it's not because there is no other job i want to do. i have an interest in marketing, PR, and social media, so that's going to be my career field for my "regular job." specifically i want to do it in the arts and entertainment industry. i already have an internship like that, it's a marketing internship at a theater (not a movie theater. it's a theater with a stage, that kind of theater) sadly, it's not paid, so i will have to get some kind of paid work not too long from now. but yeah i do have a direction i want to go in for my "regular job." i used to pursue the area of politics and government. that's my other interest, and i did internships for that, but i realized that that's not my career choice. i decided that i could be some kind of marketing professional, that's what i wanted to be. i hope i get a job in marketing and i especially hope it's somewhere in the entertainment industry. i want to be part of an industry that is about creativity and fun. my dream "regular job" is working for nickelodeon actually hahahaha i still like nickelodeon and i'm 24

it took a while for me to think of a career path but i did... the problem is that i still want to do manga. and the thing about manga is that it'll take a lot of time. it would be so helpful for me to not have any other larger obligation than manga. i don't want to be a "spare time" artist. i don't want to work a full-time regular job and do manga in my spare time because that would seriously slow down the rate i do the manga. that's pretty bad because right now, i'm not exactly the fastest artist. (lol) i hope that increasing my skill level will speed me up but still, i want to have manga as the main thing i do with my time. i don't want something else taking up a lot of my time and stealing that time away from manga. so that's why i want to be a full-time manga artist.

obviously that's not happening any time soon, so for now i'm going to just get a regular job. i'm going to keep creating art and will make manga too. doing these two things will increase both my skill level and fanbase/popularity. sadly i'm soooo slow. and i hate scheduling anything and putting myself on deadlines. this time/slowness thing is my only obstacle, i swear. my skills aren't at pro level but i can get there by doing more art. (but i'm slow!) i don't have a huge number of watchers on da and followers on tumblr and twitter, but i can get more by making more and better art, and marketing myself. i have ideas of how to market myself. like i said, marketing is my chosen career field after all. i just don't have much material to actually... market. ^__^U i have a lot of art in my gallery but the quality level isn't professional. i just need to make more stuff. but i'm slow.

still i will keep trying to make more art, improve myself, talk to more people and become closer to the friends i've made. (i have several friends on this site and i want to help them succeed and they will help me too!) that's my plan for now. i'll slowly gain more skill and popularity. but i do know that when it comes to the internet, the more popularity someone has, the easier/faster it is to increase it. many artists never get over being "obscure" and "unknown," so it's hard to get noticed. but if you're able to crawl up out of that pit, you can go far. it's hard to get up out of there. it takes a long time, for most people. but once you do it, things will get easier. that's been my observation, from being so active on many internet sites.

as for the actual manga itself, you can see my plans and the plans of the other people in my manga label "Lace Song" by going to this page, which is going to be updated soon: but i will briefly mention my current plans now... i have two collab oneshots that are on hiatus right now. they are "Gilded" and "Samiyah and Zahir." to get progress updates on these mangas, you'll have to follow and . but yep those two are going to be my first two (as well as those makoharu short mangas i never did... eheheh). both the oneshots will be available online for free but there might be additional merchandise sold. but the merch is just a small thing on the side, so that won't be a big moneymaker. i want these mangas available for free so that many people can read them. i genuinely want many people to read because it'll make me happy, but it's also because i need more popularity/exposure.

then i have three more (solo, not collab) mangas and i'm not sure about the order i want to do them in. there's The Adventures of SuperAwesomePants which is about Jessica, the character in my icon. that manga will be 3-5 chapters, each chapter being about 40 pages. there's the untitled manga about two girls who are secret agents, and that will be one chapter. then there is DreamGuy, which will be 4-6 chapters (there's an old unfinished version of it in my gallery already lol). there will be merchandise sold such as prints, bookmarks, and keychains. i don't know if i will make the mangas available for free. i want to, because i just want a lot of people to read my mangas. but i really need to make money and the merch may not be enough.

but, as another source of money, i also want to do commissions. currently i don't do real money commissions, but i want to do them eventually. idk when though. but it has to be when i am a lot more popular than i am now. because of me being busy with manga, commission slots will be VERY limited. i want to have auctions for commission slots, in order to make a lot of money, but i also want to do commission raffles, and put them at a low price so that people can afford them. the thing is, auctions and raffles only work if there are many people willing to buy. that's why i have to gain much more popularity before i do this. the oneshot mangas that are available for free should increase that.

i currently have only one idea that i am seriously planning to make a long series about. that doesn't mean i didn't think of any other ideas for a series. it just means this is the only one i genuinely intend to make a series about. i just thought of this idea in october of last year, so my idea has not existed as long as any of the others i mentioned. yet, i am very very super excited about it!! :la: Lace Song's tumblr and twitter will have info about this manga eventually so follow if you want to know more because i will only say a little bit right now. what i will tell you now is that it's an energetic, fun manga with lots of humor, and cute/sweet moments! but there is also action and drama. oh yeah, and there will also be fanservice galore... :la: i've been working on detailed character information for the main characters. there is no reason for me to be doing that this early. i'm obviously not going to make this manga for a long time. but i was so excited about this manga that i had to start working on those bios anyway!!! :dummy: i am definitely trying hard to do a good job with creating these characters' personalities. i am thinking carefully about their personalities and also about the way they interact with each other. because this is a series, i am writing much more info about these characters than about the characters in my short mangas.

the first few chapters of this manga will be available online for free but the rest of it will be available for sale only. and there will definitely be merchandise, and it will be really important for me to have that. (with the other mangas, merchandise is not too important for me. it's a bonus) by the time i make this series, i will have already made those other mangas (and a bunch of other artworks of course). so that's a long time from now... which means i should have a MUCH higher skill level and a TON more people in my fanbase. this will allow me to have a large number of people to buy this manga and the merchandise. and i hope to still do an occasional commission raffle and auction, too. and with a bigger fanbase, those will generate a lot of money. and i can always try to sell original art too, and i don't have to wait until my manga series to do that.

so yeah, there it is. now you can see how i plan to make enough money to live off of. there are several different ways i will be making money, so i'm planning a combination of all those things. all i have to do is actually follow through with my plans!!! that's so hard for me because of my slow work speed and my bad time management skills (those are two different problems, just to be clear). but if i can actually do all this stuff i've planned, i think there's a good chance i could reach my dream.

i talked mostly about myself here, and not lace song. i do have some plans for LS but they aren't as detailed as my plans for myself. i can't just decide what happens in LS all by myself... there are other people there who will make those decisions with me. i hope lace song becomes a big success. but i don't have anything else to say about it right now. you'll just have to wait and see what happens in LS...

well there you go... now you have a better idea of what i intend to do with my art!! ^__^ remember, the goal here is to be able to do manga as my job, and not have to go to some other job and only do my manga in my remaining time. i'm a long way from doing that, unfortunately. but i have a plan so i am going to try to reach my dream!! =D=D=D=D=D do any of you have big art goals? :heart:

i'm so behind on messages!!

Journal Entry: Sun Mar 1, 2015, 6:17 PM
okay so. i have fallen way behind with responding to people and commenting on deviations, and thanking new watchers too! so please don't be mad at me!! it's not that i don't care. it's that i just got so behind on it all and i do have homework, drawing, and an internship so i can't just ignore everything else and just answer messages, i do have other things i have to do. especially drawing. i'm really trying to draw more. btw, check out my scraps! there is extra stuff there. not everything i do is in my main gallery so even though i don't update the main gallery much, just know that that's not all my art!! (and whoever has actually edited their watch settings for me and watches my scraps... i love you!! ^__^ idk how many people did this though)

i need everyone to understand that there are a whole LOT of things i want to spend my time on. talking to people on this site is one thing and that takes a lot of time, and there's also facebook, twitter and tumblr (i'm barely active on those sites... i post things but don't talk to people much) there's tv shows i want to watch (i hardly watch any tv even though there are shows i want to watch but i don't because i don't have time), there are anime/manga i want to watch/read (but i hardly do either anymore and that's sad because i'm supposed to be a future manga creator), and there are a bunch of articles and websites to look at, and there are tons of drawings i want to do, and there are mangas, and i have two classes and an internship. it's hard to do everything i want to do so i'm constantly putting things off. so yeah that's why i'm often so slow with drawing and with messages. i just hope that once school ends, things will get better. although... i don't think school being gone will suddenly change everything.

kiriban! watcher bonus!! tutorial?

Journal Entry: Fri Feb 20, 2015, 9:09 AM
EDIT 2-21: i had one person catch it and one person get close so those are my two winners ^__^ i'm so happy that it came tonight instead of tomorrow! i was impatient XD thank you to everyone for getting me to such a great number. it is exciting to finally be at this point after all these years. :happycry:


i have already started a thread announcing that i changed my mind and decided to do a kiriban anyway even though i said i wouldn't. but now i have added something: watchers will get a bonus! (but you can't watch me after catching the kiriban, it must be before. ^__^U )

if a non-watcher catches the kiriban, they win a bust sketch. but now i'm adding: if a watcher catches the kiriban, they will get a COLORED bust!! i'm doing this because i want to show my appreciation to my watchers. =D

this really will be my last kiriban on this page though. or at least my last one for a very long time. but kiribans will take place at my group :iconlacesong: and we are going to have a contest as well!!

don't want to try to catch the kiriban? well i have sketch commissions open. bust: 20 points. halfbody: 50 points. if you want any other type of commission, note me and we can arrange it but note that it'll take me a while.

also i have for a long time considered making a tutorial but i won't make one if i think hardly anyone is interested. so i'm not just going to make a tutorial all of a sudden. i'm going to wait until i get up to 400 watchers. i'm not sure when i will begin making the tutorial or how long it'll take me. but if i finish making it before i get to 400 watchers, i won't post it until then. btw i am open to suggestions on what the tutorial should be about. if no one suggests anything then i'll decide. but if you want to see a certain thing, you need to speak up!!

[CLOSED] 100 point DOUBLE giveaway!!!

Journal Entry: Sun Jan 25, 2015, 5:48 PM
EDIT 2-14: guess where the edit is.

EDIT 2-13: another edit at the bottom.

EDIT 1-31: new info at the bottom!

i did say this was coming. i was going to wait until i reached 100,000 pageviews but i got impatient lol. i just reached 98,000 though!! yay :dummy: i will explain the giveaway, but first...

...i want to spam you with a reminder about the shojo manga label i have created called lace song!!! we are a group of aspiring manga creators and we'd be so happy if you were to be interested in our projects and keep up with our updates! we have big goals and dreams... so get ready for great stuff to come from us!! :la: some mangas have already been started and posted online, actually. :nod:

anyone can join our da group as a member: :iconlacesong: just to be clear, this doesn't mean you are becoming an official LS manga creator. (those are the co-founders! and it's invite-only) being a member means you are a supporter of ours. members will get special perks.

we have a tumblr blog with some cool stuff on it:

we are on twitter, too! we are currently gathering up some links to great tutorials to show you all and soon we will update twitter regularly!

our website is and it is currently under construction, though there's a lot done already.

now that that's out of the way, i can tell you about how to win the hundred points!! all you have to do is fave this journal. that's it! it's that easy!! this is open to everyone. the winner will be picked using a random generator. i will wait until i've reached 100K views and then i will pick a winner.

that's what this is about, after all. i wanted to do something to celebrate this pageview milestone. it's soooooooo great to finally get to this point. it took me a long time (seven and a half years!!) but i'm glad i finally made it. ever since i first joined da, i've always wanted to be one of those members with a six-digit pageview number. i envied those people. i thought, wow, only the really cool and successful people have 100,000+ views. so it's a big deal to me to have this number. and honestly, i'm not so happy with the number of comments, faves, and watchers i have (although i've gotten watchers at a faster rate in recent weeks) but my pageview number is what i actually AM proud of. thank you to everyone who has looked at my page, even if you did it because you dislike me, haha. i know a lot of my views came from people who dislike something i have said, because i talk a lot and say a lot of opinions. but i am SUPER thankful for the people who actually like me and like my art. i am grateful to have your support. it motivates me to draw more art and hopefully you will like it and it'll make you happy!! =D

i am most strongly thankful for my watchers. you mean SO MUCH to me. it is such an important thing to me that you want to watch me. i don't take it for granted. every single watcher makes me happy! no really... every watcher, i've seen their message "so and so has added you to their deviantwatch" in my inbox, so i am definitely glad to see that. i have thanked most of you personally but sometimes i forget, because i'm a forgetful person. still, i am thankful for every watcher.

EDIT 1-31: when i started this giveaway, i only had 100 points. but now i have gained more points. so now i can give 100 points to two people!! your chance of winning just doubled! =D

EDIT 2-13: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! i wanted to end the giveaway at 100K pageviews but i keep waiting and waiting and waiting... i didn't mean for the giveaway to go on this long, with no winners being chosen because i keep waiting and waiting. so i have decided, the giveaway will end when i reach 99,300, which i am already getting close to. i'm super impatient, i want to find and reward the winners already! so yeah, this is an announcement that it is everyone's last chance to enter!

EDIT 2-14: this became a valentine's giveaway i guess, lol. anyway, i used's integer generator.

Giveaway by Sachi-pon

then i looked at the numbers on the list of people who faved the journal. so numbers 15 and 10 won, jennabun and macaronowl. to everyone else, thank you for entering anyway! i have just now given every participant a llama (unless i had already done so in the past). don't be sad that you didn't win. instead, join lace song as a member for more giveaways, prizes, kiribans, contests... yeah, those things are being planned  for LS and some have already happened!! members will get extra perks.